You know those times you just can't describe?

One of my old blogs that I decided to finally upload. I'll try to update this more, but I do tend to update www.rswen.tumblr.com wayyyy more. So check that out if you would like!

 

"That is how I feel right now, I’m home..and I can’t describe what it feels like.

I have so many emotions, it keeps hitting me over and over again that I’m only here for a short time until I leave again…this time for twice as long.

I have rarely struggled with being homesick, and this summer was the worst. Maybe it was because I was staying with my mom’s mom, and she reminded me of home sometimes, or maybe it was because my family and I had created such a strong bond after I got back from Africa in March.

Whatever the case was, I missed my family. Being home, I still find myself missing them, almost like I’m doing the dirty work while at home. So I won’t have to feel it so bad when I actually get up and leave.

Times are changing, and there is no better scripture than Ecclesiastics 3. I get to experience my time to mourn, my time to move, my time to grow, my time to change. Its been happening since March, but it feels like a lot is happening now. In my heart I feel a deep sadness to be leaving my family, deeper than I’ve felt before. The feeling of moving out is hitting me, and hitting me hard. The realization that I’ll be halfway across the world for 2 years, keeps slapping me. The joy of this new experience, it keeps me going. Knowing that my life is going in a direction that God has placed in my life helps me stay determined. The verse in Luke 9:23, the one that tells me that daily I must pick up my cross and follow him is my motivation.

What keeps you ticking? What keeps you motivated? What are you striving for? How are your challenges strengthening you? Are you drowning in pity, or striving for His glory? Think about it…

Confirmation

Confirmation

I went to a Sunday Night service at The Sallisaw Assembly Of God church.
It was my first time, there was a guest speaker.
He spoke to me during his service,

“Young girl, with the blonde hair. Africa is going to be your springboard. You will be in South Africa and from there be able to go and influence your generation. I see you working with people and freeing them from bondange, slavery. I see you working with young girls especially. Going into places and freeing them, you will bring them hope and help them get out of the dark places.”

UH THIS GUY HAS NEVER MET ME BEFORE. IS THAT NOT SO SWEET. HE SAID (well God confirmed) THE EXACT MISSION I HAVE BEEN SPEAKING ABOUT HERE IN OK. UHHHH SO SWEET.

Psalms 16

¹Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. ²I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord;

    (I have no good apart from you).”  ³As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,   in whom is all my delight.

 ⁴The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;

   their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out

   or take their names on my lips.

 ⁵The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;

   you hold my lot.⁶ The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;   indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

 ⁷I bless the LORD who gives me counsel;

   in the night also my heart instructs me.

⁸ I have set the LORD always before me;

   because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

 ⁹Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;

   my flesh also dwells secure.

¹⁰For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,

    or let your holy one see corruption.

 ¹¹You make known to me the path of life;

   in your presence there is fullness of joy;   at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Beautiful isn't it? hmm I have been in California for almost a week now, and my time is coming to a close pretty soon. So far I've managed to get the worst sunburn I've ever had, become a gimp, piss my mom off, and read some of God's word. This vacation has been pretty eye opening and filled with challenges.

So picture this, reading on the beach for two hours. Sounds like heaven right? haha it could have been except for the fact that i put sunscreen only on my face, and I only read my book. So the two hours FLEW by and by the time we got in the car and back to the hotel I realized I had made a huge mistake. My whole backside is... lets just say I look like bologna, for the past two days i could not bend my legs the burn brought me to tears a couple times. I just kept saying, It's my fault, its my cross to bear. I have tried so hard not to complain and to just go along with whatever. There are moments when I just want to scream but they last for only minutes and I realize again how lucky I am.  I have so much compassion now for people who have chronic pain, who can't walk, who just are not healthy i guess you would say. I have learned some valuable lessons, SUNSCREEN=BEST FRIEND, your life could ALWAYS be worse, and be thankful for what you have today. 

Today we spent the day at Yosemite National park...look it up, see the pictures. They don't do it any justice, but ahhh its breathtaking. Put it on your bucket list of things to go see. Take a tent and just be in God's creation.  

The reason I put the Psalms in at the beginning is because throughout this vacation God's beauty, and strength has been so evident anywhere we go.  He is my source of strength, and I can do NOTHING without giving him my all. ahh is that not just a sweet concept, I love it. hmmm this week has been one humbling situation after another, what a better way to prepare before heading to Oklahoma. 

I have no title

Friday I head to California. I'm excited, our whole family will be together.


When I come back, I will NOT be working, I will be preparing for my busy summer of speaking, and working in Oklahoma, home of the tornadoes and crazy hot weather.
Oklahoma better watch out, because I'm about to ask everyone I see for money.
You know I've thought about having a second day job just being a beggar. What do you think? hahahaa
no, I wont do that, but thats kind of what I feel like going around to all the churches and presenting myself. I hope they find me ...worthy..enough of their hard earned cash! hmmm life, you know its such a blessing.

Prayer requests:
I let Jesus speak, I dont want to be the speaker, I'm going out to do Gods work, NOT MINE.
Pray for fruitful labor.
Pray for a sound mind, power, and love, as well as maturity and discernment.

I LOVE YOU ALL.
(If you want to support me, you can send money to
Redeemer
61 Mississippi Way,
Fridley, MN, 55432
USA

Dont put my name ANYWHERE on the check, just attach a note with my name on it. Make sure you also write your email address if you want to continue getting updates on everythingg.)

Tumblr

my tumblr site

This is something I have recently found, and I update it a lot more. If you want to find out my daily interests, random thoughts or whatever you can follow me on Tumblr. Its the best thing I've found:)

Mistakes

This whole humbling theme seems to be continuing.
Had a mini break down during deliveries today, I ended up switching around two orders so each person got the other persons food. It stressed me out. I was runnning…well driving like a mad person, but I think thoughts in my head were driving crazyer.


“rachel what were you thinking”

“Rachel you are SO stupid”

“Rachel how could you let this happen.”

“oh my gosh everyone is going to be sooo mad.”

“I’ll just tell my boss i’ll buy the boxes of sandwiches.”

“i hope I dont get fired.”

“Woah A COP, better slow down”

“GAHHH WHY? HOW? I EVEN CHECKED THE BOXES WHEN I GAVE THEM.”

“How could I let that happen?”


As I drove back to the Potbelly store from the 2nd try at getting the food right, I had a revelation. I was praying for my friend and then all of a sudden I broke down in tears and it was like He said, “beloved, YOU are the one who needs me right now, YOU are the one who can’t admit she is not ok.” Then that verse came to my head, Come to me all who are weary and HEAVY LADEN, and I w i l l give you rest.

Through making this one mistake on a delivery I realized how hard it is for me to make mistakes. Then I started thinking deeper and wondered, “why is it so hard for me to admit I did something wrong.” Its because I carry pride, I put this wall up that says, EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL, I’M PEACHY KEEN (ha sorry one of my co workers always says that.) but in reality I’m not the greatest.  So in that car ride I thanked God for giving me another reminder to get off my stool, and come back down to the bottom. He reminded me that its OK to get help, or to even ask for help.

God I pray that you continue to soften my heart, continue to break down the walls I have built up and let me accept when help comes my way. I want to find all my satisfaction in you and you alone. Come and give me rest.

On my way

Just bought my ticket to Oklahoma.

I’m kind of in a daze right now, my life is about to really take off.

Your probably wondering why I’m going to Ok, I’m going to live with my grandparents to work with them and travel around OK and AR speaking at churches being an advocate for the things happening in South Africa, to encourage and to raise support for the next mission in my life.

This all starts in June…

I talked to my grandma today, and it brought me to tears. The way people can be so giving without knowing anything else then a newsletter about me. She said there are two women representing me, and what God is doing through me, they travel to different churches and ask for support…FOR ME.

Sometimes I think we forget how much God really does care. Jeremiah 1:9, for I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper and not for despair.

Why is that so hard to grasp sometimes? Why is it so easy for us to jump to the classic line, “no, I got it, I can handle it.” WE CAN’T! hahaha only God can take on the problems we face, and he does it willingly.. Only God can provide in the unthinkable. We can’t, most times we don’t even know what is best for us. We just think we do.

humility, humility, humility. Thanks God for reminding me that its ok to be the least, its ok to accept help, its necessary.

The woman who fears the Lord

I love how God puts topics into our lives over and over again until we start understanding, and not only understanding but APPLYING and LIVING OUT what he has spoken. and this is what he's spoken.

Proverbs 31:10-31

10 An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates

Not until the day I start working on becoming Mrs right, will my Mr Right come. In order for me to be ready to be in a relationship, a serious relationship with the intent of marriage I first need to become the person I want to find. This comes as a challenge. I tend to settle. I am sick of settling.

{{Jesus give me strength to BECOME a woman who fears you ABOVE ALL ELSE. Let my mind focus on you, because you say that when my eyes are set on you then my path will be made straight. I am done settling for people who are not in your will. I want to be in line with YOU. I want to have less of my emotions and more of your sound mind. I want to be so content in the ways of you, and in your character that I am lost. God I want to be l o s t in you, in your love. I want to be your bride. You have my heart, you have my soul, and you have my mind. Lord I want to know yours.}}

Dance

Can you

              i

                m

                    a

                       g

                          i

                              n

                                  e

                           

                                                               Listen, and  

                                                                                  i

                                                                                     m

                                                                                        a

                                                                                          g

                                                                                             i

                                                                                               n

                                                                                                 e

Let your mind be creative, and put yourself in the scene being painted in this song.

What a b e a u t i f u l picture.

“Dancers who Dance upon injustice” -this line sticks out to me tonight. To me it resembles people so free they can dance, they dance in the middle of injustice because they know and believe the God they serve is greater and larger than the injustice. ahh God is so sweet.

Jesus one day in our lifetime may we experience the picture painted in this song. Let us be the dancers who dance, let us sing with one voice, and feel the mountains tremble. For you are such an awesome God. I pray we will be bold enough to stand in the streets and sing of your greatness.  I pray for the lost to feel you move, for us to feel you move. I thank you for the victory and the sacrifice, I thank you for your never ending grace, what a marvelous thing. We are so so so undeserving. Lord help our actions line up with the words of our mouth.

Jim Reapsome

So you want to be a missionary: By Jim Reapsome

"The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest." -Matt 9:37-38

Be sure you are sent by the owner of the harvest-the Lord Jesus Christ-to work in his fields. You will go because his harvest is bountiful and his workers are scarce. You will go because others have prayed for you to be sent by him.
      Be sure you have Jesus' authority to do his work. You must be in step with the Lord's program, policies, and practices. This is much more important than having some organization's authority to do its work.
     Be sure Jesus knows you by name, and that he knows all about you, warts and all. You are his companion and friend. He wants to live in you and bear fruit in, with, and through you. You are his plan and program to bring in his harvest.
     Be sure you know Jesus' commission and the message he wants you to proclaim. You will find this only in the closest communion with him in his words and in prayer. Your calling is to listen before you work, to meditate before you life a hand. 
      Be sure you know the full scope of workin in the harvest, because the fields are full of helpless, harassed, hurting people for whom few others-especially those in power-have any compassion at all. Their needs are total-spiritual and physical. They must be touched as well as taught, brought to spiritual life in God's kingdom as well as to a physical wholeness and health here and now.
     Be sure you know that working for Jesus is not work for hire. You did not earn your way onto his work force, and therefore you must not expect wages from him.
     Be sure you trust Jesus to give you all you need to survive in the fields. Don't load yourself up with a lot of stuff you think you will need.
     Be sure you learn from Jesus how to size up the harvest. Pray to enter the lives of those who will welcome you. Don't be surprised, however, because some parts of the field are not ripe. In fact, some people will reject the workers who bring peace.
     Be sure you know you will be working like a sheep among wolves. You will work in weakness, not power. Ask Jesus to teach you how to survive and be a proficient harvester, despite the risks of being caught off quard, or trusting your own cleverness.
     Be sure you are prepared for persecution at the hands of religious and political leaders. This will be for the sake of Jesus, so you can testify to him. This is a tough way to harvest, but it is the Lord's way. The Holy Spirit will speak through you, so don't worry about this in advance.
     Be sure you are prepared for frightful consequences of your harvesting. Not everyone will be happy. Families will be split by betrayals and even death. You will be hated for your allegiance to Jesus, but don't quit because he will save you. If persecution in once place gets really bad, go to another place.
     Be sure you don't put yourself above Jesus. Expect to share his lot in every way. He didn't come for appreciation, respect, and power. He came to seek and save the lost, and for that he was called a devil. He said his workers should expect much worse.
     These are not my instructions. They are from Jesus himself. (Matthew 9:35-10:25) 

When is enough enough?

 "Learn to do good;

seek justice,

correct oppression;

bring justice to the fatherless,

plead the widow's cause."

Isaiah 1:17

My sister came downstairs and asked me if I was ok....I told her I was, but then as I have been thinking about it, I'm really not ok. My heart is heavy, its full of disgust, its full of anger and shock.

Whenever I have the chance I like to support Love146 another organization committed to seeing Child Sex Slavery gone one day. But today as me and my friend Haley were driving back from St. Cloud I found myself not being able to engage with her. We had just got done volunteering at an event for awareness of Human Trafficking. I found my mind in another place, a place of disbelief. At the event today a woman who spoke for, Not for sale was doing her thing, speaking about the issue. All the things she was saying were things I had heard before, until she mentioned how MN is 13th in the states, just the states for Human Trafficking activity...Yeah, I had known it was happening in the states. But it made me almost ashamed that this was happening next to me, next to where I live. She said, Mall of America is one of the biggest areas the trading happens....ahhh man guys I felt like I had been knocked out.

Sometimes I get worried at how naive I can be.
How comfortable I can get in my own life,
doing my own things,
working my own job,
making my own money,
driving my own car,
having freedom to do what I want...
I get that I won't be able to change the world, I get that alone I can't do much. That in order to succeed in most things I need people supporting me. But what I'm having trouble with right now is how blind we can become.
How scared we can become to stand up for something that could cause our comfortable lives to shift, to change, to become uncomfortable.

I'm struggling with the fact that some days I would rather buy my cup of coffee, drive my car, and sleep in my bed then take the time out of my day to pray for...no better yet, to research more about the problems happening in my area.  Not only research, but after researching ACT, to DO SOMETHING.

I want to do something, I want to become involved, I want to change the world. But that won't happen unless other people are supporting the same cause...and that whole thing won't happen if Jesus is not involved.

That is one thing that Haley and I talked about on our car ride back home is that in order for ANY of these organizations to thrive, and to be effective Jesus needs to be the center. The victims of trafficking need to realize there is another way of life, that they don't have to keep living in hell. It concerned us that organizations that are "christian" based will sway what they say to different audiences. Is God not the ultimate hope, the ultimate restorer? Does he not provide in ways unimaginable? The victims of trafficking won't know true life until we share what true life is.

Jesus let us see how you see. Let our hearts break for the oppression these young girls and boys are facing. Show us, let us into your heart. Father we want and desire for the chains to be broken, for the oppressed to be free. Give us a way to bring your hope, love, and healing into the places that are broken, hopeless, and dirty. Help us to see the people behind all this evil, help us see that the ones who run the brothels, the ones who traffic the slaves are also made in your image, you still love them. But we know you are a God who loves to see justice take place, you are a God who hates seeing your children abused. We trust you will do what you need to do, and that you will show us what we need to do.

Get Involved:

Freedom Firm 

Love146 

Not for Sale 

Breaking free 

3generation 

Indescribable greatness

I am home.

Two songs to describe how I feel right now, Yearn-Shane and Shane, Mystery-Phil Wickham.


Woah, God is moving. I think you must be blind if you don't see it. Being back, of course its hard I see how materialistic we are, how many pointless things we have, the amount of money we spend on coffee and things like that. But then I look past that, I see the beauty of this place. I see the beauty of how different the cultures are from MN, to South Africa. When I was flying back I had some super sweet encounters with God, I felt his love for everyone I saw in a way I never had experienced before. It took me three days to get home, and I could soooo tell when I got back into America. The warmness of the people changed immediately, it was very cold if I could put it like that, conversations were not so easily started. That was difficult for me at first, I would try to start a conversation and all I would get was a "i'm good." Then they would continue what they were doing...anyways I want to talk about God again.

I have now been back for 3 weeks, and I can honestly say I am in a place right now where its hard for me to describe how great God is. I am at a place where my whole being becomes humbled at the thought of what Jesus CHOSE to do..for us...for you and I as unworthy as we are, and he does it over and over again. WAHHHH. I mean ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. It BLOWS MY MIND. 
Everywhere I look I find something awesome that I can thank God for. I have been in SO MANY fricken sweet conversations that only God could have orchestrated. I have been blessed to the point of some random woman paying for a lunch I was having with my sister...like ahh so sweet. I am just in love, and I can't put it any other way. If you have not found this love I would encourage you to check it out, because it is the most satisfying love you can find. This world has NOTHING that comes close in comparison to how awesome God's love is. nothing.



God as we continue to face each and every day help us see your face. Help us recognize you in every situation we are in. Let us bring glory to your name in ALL circumstances. Give us the confidence we need to fight the many trials we will face. We know you will never leave us or forsake us and for that we are so thankful. Let us feel your love today in a way we never knew we could, make yourself real to us.